Tuesday, March 31, 2020

Gritty: why the Philadelphia Flyers’ new acid trip of your mascot should be stopped


Philadelphia has the undisputed king of professional sports mascots: the Phillie Phanatic. Truth be told esteemed a source than Wikipedia reveals they’re “widely named one of the greatest ballpark mascots” and “arguably probably the most recognizable mascot within United states sports”.

You would ever guess the horror, then, while he got such a sibling this week: Gritty, the Philadelphia Flyers’ new mascot, is really a horrifying bearded man-Muppet hybrid whose eyes are permanently rolling of their sockets, presumably from numerous years of substance abuse. He will be a nightmarish frat boy who communicates only in bro-friendly gestures – the man that was loudly present at each college party but hadn’t experienced true friendship. He fills the opening within his heart which has a violent Flyers obsession. He is toxic masculinity incarnate.

And I’m afraid, to many, he could be the perfect emblem of my city. Philadelphia is famous for greasing poles in order to reduce damage by – in order to – fans after Eagles victories; we’ve been forever branded because the city that hurled snowballs at Father christmas where men purposely threw on a cop along with his child (RIP). The main attraction of the art museum isn’t Marcel Duchamp’s Nude Descending a Staircase however the proven fact that Sylvester Stallone ran up the stairs there once. Gritty, simply speaking, may be the very last thing we end up needing. The Flyers’ website describes him to descended with a “bully” who may be “unwelcoming to anybody who opposes his team”. Surely his presence will simply encourage more tourists to bypass the location between Nyc and Washington on their own northeastern trips.

Meanwhile, we’re raising our children with this particular thing being a role model. My sister familiar with receive cheerful birthday cards through the Phanatic. I reckon that Gritty will send children half-drunk cans of Yuengling. (At least he will be, inexplicably, concerned over sports-related brain trauma: he always wears head gear.)

All this comes in the terrible here we are at Philadelphia, with his post-victory antics on full national display following your Super Bowl victory recently. Even sainted Phanatic has run across trouble of late: a warm dog he fired from his fabled cannon flew in a 58-year-old fan’s face and sent her towards er. I think they are gripped with a experience of remorse that is completely foreign to Gritty.

Why can’t we have now more mascots like Swoop, the upstanding eagle who backs the Eagles? Sure, she has his tough side: his official bio reveals that they eats “smaller birds such as Cardinals, Falcons, Ravens, and Seahawks”. But that’s natural, and at least he or she is an identifiable organism – a lot more than can probably be said for Gritty.

The 76ers, years after jettisoning the beloved Big Shot and subsequent Reggae, have Franklin your canine, a title that evokes the city’s rich history. The team’s website offers visual proof that his ancestors crossed the Delaware with George Washington. And he was created “by kids, for kids”, as opposed to emerging from your fever dream during the mind of Jim Henson’s evil twin.

I would encourage the Flyers to reconsider Gritty and select a different mascot connected the more effective angels of Philadelphia’s nature. How about our rich cultural offerings – maybe the Thinker from the Rodin Museum would strike fear on the hearts of your rivals? Or we could decide on a giant Liberty Bell whose steadfast picture of freedom would drive away individuals who wish the Flyers ill. Hell, a walking cheesesteak are the best than Gritty.

Alas, I doubt such powerful ideas will conquer the powers that attend the Wells Fargo Center. For the time being, we’ll will just hope that Gritty’s too hungover to visit practice.

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